I have this fear of trusting people. That...

I have this fear of trusting people. That everytime I make friends, I don’t fully trust them with all of me. I’ve encountered so many people who broke my trust that it’s hard to tell if one of them would do the same deed. I’m careful at telling my secrets. I don’t share my darkest stories that happened in my past. I’ve been hurt so many times as I child that I’ve learned to not fully trust anyone but myself. Some people start judging me about my past, and not about the better person I’ve worked to become. I have a soft spot when it comes to my past life. It brings me tears to look back at those memories.

And everytime I fall for someone, I tend to hold back my feelings. I’ve gotten hurt by the people I love that I become afraid to trust again. If they love me and can still hurt me, what makes me think other people can’t? I’ve become afraid to love with all of me. Everytime I love someone, it never seem to last long enough. And everytime I give all of me, I don’t get everything back. I guess I’ve been alone for so long, I forgot how it’s like to have someone there to help me. I’ve been so dependent on myself that I become afraid to trust anyone and get hurt.

And I want someone to show me that it’s okay to trust. That it’s okay to get hurt because someone will be with me to heal. I want someone to break the strong walls and barriers that I built aroud me. I want someone to pull me back when I walk away. I want someone to tell me to stay because I’m sick of being left behind.

I just want someone to prove me wrong. That all my doubts are a total bullshit. That all humans are not heart and trust breakers.